Why I can't believe in myself without believing in God




I am not an extremely religious person, and for the past 8 years, part of me has come to

question my religion. This path had led me to also reject prayer, I just stopped praying and talking to God. And as much as it saddens me to admit this, I use to write letters to my grandfather once every couple of months, and now I don’t do it at all. He passed away in 2010 and as time went by I began to forget the sound of his voice and laugh. Not being able to hear his laugh anymore in my head filled me with an overwhelming sense of guilt.

What kind of granddaughter could forget such a distinct, bolstering laugh?

It has come to my attention that my disbelief in prayer came from a place of sadness. When I prayed, I did not feel that I was getting results or answers. Prayer for me at the time had turned into me seeking guidance and receiving no solutions to my problems or feelings of peace.


Recently I came across Maryam Hasnaa who practices and teaches holistic healing. After days of reading her post, I decided to sign up for one of her online classes, it was only $25, so what did I have to lose? This class was about the Akashic records and how you can access them through meditation. The Akashic records are information from the past, present, and future relating to everyone and everything. Imagine being able to obtain info from your higher self that existed in another time that could help you heal the emotional pains that you are currently experiencing. Or being able to get advice on how to approach starting a new career or relationship advice.


One portion of the class resonated with me it was when she said that we were all divine beings. This was similar to an idea that I was raised with, but it had never been explained to me in this way before. I was raised to believe that God made everyone in his own image. But the way Maryam explained this idea is that everyone is a divine being, and we all come from the same source of divinity. The way I interpreted this is that we are all God just reflected in different bodies, faces, races, and sexes. Because of this, we are all, in fact, Godly and that concept does not leave room for doubt, worry or fear regarding what we can achieve in life.


We are all God just reflected in different bodies, faces, races, and sexes...and that concept does not leave room for doubt, worry or fear regarding what we can achieve in life.


This idea triggered something in me and motivated me to learn more about my spirituality. It opened up a whole new world filled with light and learning to be my best self. I have an ongoing battle with low-self esteem, and I guess it more than self-esteem I think it's a lack of giving myself the love I need instead of looking outward for love and approval from others. Taking this class awakened me to the idea that for me to believe in myself I have to believe in God or a higher power, which can go by many names and I am no longer bent on giving it a name. I was explicitly created by some force that knew that I am great and had a sincere desire to put me on this planet.

I am Godlike. I am a powerful imaginative creator who adds value to this world.

Though I am not fully aware of my capabilities and God’s plan for me I know it exists and it is larger than I can grasp at this time. For me to fully step into my destiny I need to trust myself entirely and the intuition that God blessed me with because I believe that is God’s way of speaking to me. If I open up my heart back to God, I will be able to visualize what's best for my well being. I will be able to have greater confidence in who I am and gratefulness for every lesson I have learned.


So, for this next season of life, my goal is to spend more time getting to know my self. I think I can achieve this by creating a daily routine and sticking to the steps below.


1. Committing to incorporating at least one act of self-love into my day.

2. Be mindful of my thoughts and feelings. Am I giving my negative thoughts power

over me? Instead of listening to what they have to say and then replacing them

with a healthier view.

3. Exercise at least 4 times out of the week for 30 mins

4. Everyday name 3 things I’m grateful for.


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